An oldie-but-goodie from several years ago, inspired by recent family, friend, and social media experiences. “The more things change; the more they stay the same.”
My considered advice to all those younger than I (I’m 70 at the moment)–after you’ve had a good look in the mirror and found a way to accept with equanimity what you see there–is that you should evaluate the perceptions, prejudices, and occasional comforting prevarications that inform your life and make sure that you are not still insistently nurturing and carrying around any “girls on your back” from your ever-longer-ago, or even just your recent, past. If you find you are, please put them down. No one cares. Life is just too short.
If you haven’t reached an age yet where you know both of the above things, then you soon will. If you do know them, and you’ve decided to pretend they’re false and to double down by shouting your displeasure with the vicissitudes of middle-or-old age, or if you’re sure that–if you just shout your victimhood loudly enough you can somehow bully the rest of us into caring about you–I’m afraid I can’t help you. And I’m not sure the wisdom of the ages can help you either. It’s out there. All you have to do is look. And stop feeling sorry for yourself.
If you’ve the wherewithal (and I hope you do have it) once you’ve followed the old monk’s advice, then it’s time to live whatever life remains to you with a bit of grace and gratitude, and a substantial helping of humility and quietude.
Here’s the original post:
Once upon a time, two Buddhist monks, one young and one old, traveled from their temple in the mountains down to the nearest little town in the foothills of the Himalayas, to beg for alms. As they entered the peaceful valley with rice fields all around, they came to a wide river, by the side of which a beautiful young girl stood and wept.
The young monk’s mouth fell open, and he turned his back and covered his eyes, so as not to gaze upon a forbidden sight. But the older monk approached the girl and asked her what was wrong. “Oh, Sir Monk,” she said, “The river is too strong for me and I am afraid to cross it.” The old monk said, “Don’t worry, my dear. Climb up on my back, and I will carry you across.”
So she did. And he did.
When they reached the other side, he put the girl down, and she thanked him graciously, and ran off.
The young monk’s eyeballs almost fell out. If he had not, according to the custom of his fellows, shaved his head, his hair would have caught on fire. He was alternately horrified, and mortified, and furious. Truly, I tell you, smoke came out of his ears. He wiped the beads of sweat from his brow, and, the very picture of outrage, stalked the next 20 leagues, staring straight ahead, and without uttering a word. Eventually he had worked himself up into such a lather that he could contain himself no longer, and he burst forth with a cry:
“Master! We are celibate monks. Women are forbidden to us. How could you allow a woman to touch you, let alone carry her across the river on your back?”
The old monk thought for a moment, and then said, “My son, you saw me carry this girl a short distance across the river on my back. And then I put her down. We have walked for twenty leagues since then, and you have carried the girl on your back that whole distance. Why are you still carrying the girl on your back, and when will it be time for you to put her down?”
I first heard this little story when I was a college student, and I’ve never forgotten it. I was in an extended and youthful snit, and I was in a bit of a state. A very kind man, gently, but firmly, sat me down and sorted me out. I’m still grateful. I believe there are worse lessons to take to heart and to try to live by. What do you think?
